The Night You Were Born

The night you were born was the best night of your dad's and my life thus far.  We had waited so long for your arrival, and we were so blessed to be there when you came into the world.  Katie went through hours of painful labor without any medicines to numb her pain.  She wanted to deliver you naturally--she was so brave and strong.  Drew was right by her side and did everything he could to help her.  Your birth parents are amazing people, and we love them so much.

 This is the room where you were born:

The computer monitored your heart rate and Katie's contractions

When I first arrived at the hospital, around 2:30 in the afternoon on July 31st, Katie was just in the beginning stages of labor and wasn't in great pain yet.  She and Drew were surfing the internet looking for LRG clothes for you to wear. :)

Her contractions started coming more quickly, and soon she was in a lot of pain.  She sat on an exercise ball, and Drew pushed on her back--the counter pressure helped ease the pain.  I didn't do much other than hold the chair steady and pat Katie's back.  I felt pretty useless, but I was glad I got to be there with them!

Then Katie started walking the halls of the labor and delivery wing, hoping that gravity would help you come more quickly.  She had to stop periodically and hold on to the wall when she was having a tough contraction.

Katie's dad, Mark, took over for Drew, and Drew took a ten-minute nap in the waiting area. :)

 

When the pain got too unbearable, she got into a bathtub in her room.  The warm water helped to ease the pain.

While all of this was going on, your dad arrived.  He had taken the first flight out of Denver when he heard that Katie was in labor.  He made it in plenty of time and waited outside the door of her hospital room for much of the night.  His mom, your grandma Nielson, also arrived and waited with him.

Coming into the hospital with Katie's dad, Mark

Eventually, Katie's contractions got so painful that her mom had to coach her through some deep breathing, while Drew kept pushing on her back.

And then it was time for you to arrive!  The doctor and nurses came into the room and got all of the instruments ready.  Katie got through the hard pushing much more quickly than anyone expected because she was so tough and brave.

And before we knew it, you were here!

I was the first person to hold you.  I couldn't stop crying--I was so happy.  Your dad was just outside the door and heard your first cries, then came into the room and hugged me while I held you for the first time.  It was the best moment of my life.

 

Katie and Drew were so full of joy when they saw and held you for the first time.

Your dad was on Cloud Nine!  Finally, a father!

And then your grandmas got to admire you!  Katie's mom, Elizabeth, and Drew's mom, Shanea, had been in the delivery room the entire night and also watched you come into the world.  It was a sacred experience for all of us.  Your grandma Nielson and Katie's dad, Mark, came into the room right after you were born and also got to hold you in your first few minutes of life.

 

Showing off your hair

The room was full of so much love--it felt like Heaven!

Katie seemed so happy.  She was on a "natural high"--feeling relief, joy, accomplishment, and love for you.  We were all so proud of her.

Then you got weighed, got your first bottle, and got your first burp. :)

Katie's grandma, Edna, arrived to get a little peak at you. :)  She couldn't wait until morning!

Finally, it was time for you to go to the nursery for a bath and a few more tests.  I was lucky enough to go with you! So fun!

After they were all done with you in the nursery, I got to wheel your cart to Katie and Drew's room.  They were so excited to hold you again and to admire your mohawk.

 

Ryan and Drew spent about ten minutes trying to figure out how to do the pull-out bed.  Katie and I thought it was humorous that they wouldn't just ask for instructions from the nurses--typical men!

Since Katie was so tired, we got to take you to our room for the night, and it was really special to be alone as a  family of three for the first time.  We couldn't stop snuggling you!

It was such a perfect night...the best night we ever could have imagined.  You are a precious angel who was sent to us from Heavenly Father in such a special way.  We are so lucky to be your parents and so lucky to have witnessed your miraculous birth.  

You are here!

You are here, and you are perfect.

Noah Atticus Nielson

Born August 1, 2011

1:51 a.m.

7 lbs 4 oz

20 inches long

Welcome to the world, Sweet Baby!

You are so loved.

So many more details to follow!

A Week With Katie

Excerpt from a letter to the baby

July 27, 2011

My dear little Baby Noah,

You have a name!  Can you believe it?  Over the past six months since Katie contacted us, we’ve gone through countless options.  For a while you were Benjamin Atticus, then you were Atticus Matthew (Ace for short), then we were deciding between Noah and Jack—but I think we’ve finally actually settled on Noah Atticus.  It was important to us that Katie and Drew like your name, and Noah is the one that all four of us agree on.  It’s super cute, and it’s also cool that you will be named after two men (one biblical and one fictional) who stood up for what was right and true.  I hope you have that kind of strength of character some day. 

I can’t believe it, but you are almost here.  You could arrive any day.   The doctor recently moved up Katie’s due date to August 6^th, but they might induce her even before that.  I am beyond ecstatic to finally meet you.  I’ve had your hospital bag packed for a month, and I’ve been eagerly checking my text messages and voicemails every chance I get, just in case Katie goes into labor.  I’m actually here in Utah with her right now, so it makes everything seem even more real and imminent, and I am READY for you to get here.  I’m actually worried that I am a little too excited about it because a lot of women have their first babies late, and I’m starting to get so antsy for you to arrive, and it’s not even your due date yet.  I think I might die if you are overdue!!  I just want you to get here!!!  The first time I felt you moving around in Katie’s stomach, my heart literally jumped.  You are really in there!  And you are really almost here!  I could not be any more excited. 

I am so glad that I came to Utah to spend the week with Katie while her parents are out of town.  It has been a really special time for me.  I worried that it might be awkward or that I might be lonely and anxious without your dad here, but I’m actually feeling a lot of peace, which must be Heavenly Father helping me because heaven knows I am not usually calm in stressful situations. J  I’m staying in Grandpa Nip’s condo in Salt Lake, and I spend some portion of every day with Katie.  Your dad was actually here too over the weekend, and we went to dinner with Katie and Drew at Hires Big H on Saturday night, then we played Kan Jam in the park.  It was a really fun date, and I feel like we were all more relaxed than the last time we went to dinner together.

On Sunday, we decided to have a family dinner with Katie and Ryan’s brothers and their girlfriends. I love that Katie wants to know the people who are going to be a key part of your life.   After church, we went to her house to prepare the meal, and she also taught me how to decorate fancy birthday cakes, which is something she is really good at.  She once told me that she is sad that she won’t be able to make you fun birthday cakes—and I silently vowed that this is something that I will always do for you, in her honor.  It’s something that my mom did for me too.  For the family dinner, she made a really cool soccer cake for Cole’s girlfriend, Sara, and for your dad, whose birthday isn’t for a few weeks (but we figured it might get overshadowed by your arrival J).  We all met at the condo in Salt Lake for dinner, and it was really fun and comfortable.  Katie fit right in

That night, your dad was supposed to leave and fly back to Denver, and Katie and I were going to have a sleepover at the condo.  As it turned out, there was a scheduling fiasco with your dad’s flight, so he ended up leaving the next morning instead, but his flight was so early that he just went straight to bed in the second bedroom, and Katie slept over anyway.  She and I stayed up super late hanging out and talking.  We went swimming in the condo pool and bobbed around on Styrofoam noodles discussing baby names and favorite musicians and other random topics.  Then we got in our PJs and talked forever about the adoption, the Gospel, life, her friends…I don’t even know what else!  At one point, I showed her all of your darling baby clothes and blankets that I brought, and we squealed a little.  By 3:00 a.m., we were both exhausted, and we went to bed.  The next day, we slept in really late, went and got massages, and ended the day by going to The Melting Pot for dinner.  It was a great day of bonding, and then I dropped her off at her house and we’ve had more “alone time” since then, which I think is a good thing because it gives us time to think and to do our own thing.

On Tuesday, I picked her up at about 1:00 p.m., and we drove to Layton to meet your Grandma Nielson and your Aunt Ashley for lunch at Brick Oven Pizza.  I love both of those women, and it was so fun to see them interacting with Katie.  Again, it was very natural and a good experience for everyone.  I think your grandma is so beautiful, inside and out—I am struck by that every time I am around her—and I am always proud to introduce her to my friends.  She is animated, friendly, warm, wise, and she loves to laugh.  I am so lucky to have her as my mother-in-law and really the closest person I have to a mother now.  At the end of lunch, she hugged Katie and got teary eyed and told her that she has been praying for her every day.  It was very sweet.

Katie and I then drove to Target and went shopping for her hospital bag.  We got all sorts of delicious snacks (she and I share a love of food), and we got pillows, sweatpants, earplugs, shampoo/conditioner…that sort of thing.  I am so glad that I am here to do this sort of thing with her.  I have been wanting to put together a hospital bag or basket for her, but it’s hard for me to know what she likes—so it’s even better when we can be together to pick things out and plan for the big event.  She picked out a little photo album that she is going to use to document photos of her pregnancy, your first few hours and days of life, and then your growth over the coming years.

After Target, we went to a “Baby Care” class at the hospital and then took a short tour of the labor and delivery and post-partum wings.  I loved seeing the area where you will be born and looking at the tiny babies in the nursery.  I truly can’t wait for the moment when I get the text or phone call saying, “I am in labor.”  There’s a part of me that thinks that moment is going to happen very soon, but I don’t know if that’s intuition or just wishful thinking. J

Katie and I have spent most of today apart: She is at her house, watching a favorite show and packing her hospital bag, and I am here at the condo, writing to you.  I am picking her up at 4:30, and we will meet her grandma for dinner at 5:00.  I think we’re going to watch a movie afterward.  Tomorrow, we will go to her doctor appointment, and then we will meet with her caseworker at LDS Family Services and also attend an adoption support group meeting together.  I’m still not sure what day I am leaving town—I guess it’ll depend on what the doctor says tomorrow.  I am really looking forward to the appointment.  I get to see you on the big screen and hear about your development and progress! 

I’m sorry this is a bit of a vacation log.  I hope it’s not boring for you to read about every little event and interaction.  I just feel that I need to record these special moments, not only for you, but also for me.  Probably mostly for me.  This experience of waiting for you has been life-changing, and I never want to forget it.

I cannot wait to meet you and snuggle you close. 

Come soon, Little One.

Mom

Katie got desperate and drank some castor oil mixed with Sunny D.
She said it was disgusting!

Meeting Katie and Drew

Dear Baby Boy,

Yup, it’s official: you’re a boy!!  It was confirmed on Friday when we went to an ultrasound with your birth mom Katie.  We saw you wiggling around on the screen (I think you waved at us J), and we saw the profile of your little face for the first time.  You are only ½ a pound right now, and already you are cute as can be. 

I’ve heard people say that pregnant women “glow.”  Well, I feel like I must be glowing today.  I have this little burning excitement inside, and I can’t help myself from smiling and from thinking about you and your birth mom.  We met her for the first time this weekend, and as I think about her, I am filled with awe at this experience that we are having.  She is so generous to invite us into her life and to allow us to be a part of her pregnancy.  I think she is beautiful, inside and out.  I hope you have her almond-shaped blue eyes and her strength, wisdom, and spirit. 

On Thursday night, we took Katie and your birth dad, Drew, out to dinner at the Olive Garden.  I was quite nervous.  I just wanted them to like us, and I wanted it to be natural between us.  I had been fretting about the perfect outfit for weeks, and I even video chatted with your Aunt Laura the night before to get her approval on what I had picked out.  (For the record, it was dark jeans, a long gray sweater, a red shirt, and my favorite colorful scarf.)  I also brainstormed a few discussion topics/questions, in case there were awkward silences.  J

Well, I think it went well.  Of course there were a few awkward silences, but we managed to keep the conversation going.  We all asked each other questions, and I told lots of stories.  (I hope they didn’t think that was annoying.)  I told them about when I took a massive spill on the ski hill in front of the Nielsons, when Ryan got mugged near our apartment in Buffalo, when a woman at our church (Ziggy) banged her shoe on the pulpit during testimony meeting, when another woman at our church (Deborah) said my dad would “look good in some shorts,” and when Ryan disappeared in El Salvador until some nuns and I went looking for him in the middle of the night.

Although the main purpose of our “double date” was just to get to know each other, we did talk a little bit about you.  I asked Katie how she is feeling, and she said pretty good.  (She looks great…you can barely tell she’s pregnant, and she is already 20 weeks along.)  I asked Drew what he thought about adoption, and he gave me a big thumbs up.  He said something like, “Adoption is awesome!”  They said that they knew from the beginning that adoption was the best option for you and for them.

Your birth dad is really cool.  He has a distinctive style, kinda like a skateboarder/snowboarder but with his own flair.  He was pretty quiet around us, but he is obviously smart, funny, and considerate.  He has a mischievous sparkle in his eye and a cute dimple when he smiles (I wouldn’t mind if you ended up with those traits!).  I noticed that he looked us in the eye when he answered questions, and I noticed that he held Katie’s hand almost the entire dinner.  I think they are very close and a support for each other.  

I also loved that we got to spend a lot of time with your birth grandparents this weekend.  When we picked up Drew for our Olive Garden date, his mom, Shanea, answered the door and invited us in.  Drew has two younger siblings, and we all sat around and talked for several minutes.  Shanea is really funny and likeable, and she made us feel at ease right away.  After a few minutes of small talk, she got more serious and said, “I’ll probably get emotional, but I do want to talk to you about the adoption.”  She said that when she found out about the pregnancy, she was really worried and upset; but after she went to our blog and read about us, she felt peace and knew that everything would be okay.  She said, “If there is one thing that I hope you will tell the baby, it’s that we love him.  We love this baby.  We love this baby so much.”   It’s pretty amazing to hear those words from a mother who desperately loves her son and her grandbaby and wants what is best for both of them—and she is trusting that we are what’s best for them.  It feels like a humbling and sacred conversation. 

The next day, we spent a lot of time with Katie’s parents and family.  Katie’s mom, Elizabeth, went with us to the ultrasound, so we chatted with her during the 30 minute drive each way.  She is wise, down-to-earth, loving, and real.  She has been so supportive of Katie and of us throughout this entire experience.  The first time that Katie called us, Elizabeth was by her side, and after we were done talking, Katie handed the phone to her.  Elizabeth told me how much she loves Katie and how proud she is of her for the way she is handling the situation.  It brought tears to my eyes to think about what Elizabeth and her husband must be feeling, and yet they are so affirming and loving to Katie.  I hope I can be such a Christ-like parent. 

On our way home from the ultrasound, we stopped to meet your great grandma Edna, who is so sweet and concerned about Katie, about us, and about you.  She got emotional and told us that she couldn’t bear it if she didn’t know for certain that her great grandson was going to be raised in a good home.  I promised her that we will love and cherish you forever.  I wanted to tell her more about our experience with infertility—I wanted her to know what a blessing you will be to us and what a blessing Katie has been to us…but the moment passed before I could.  I hope I have the chance to tell her someday.

That evening, the Stratfords hosted a barbeque for everyone at their home, so we got to know Katie’s siblings and her dad, Mark.  Drew and Shanea also came, and I was amazed by how natural the conversation and humor was between all of us.  Ryan and I thoroughly enjoyed the evening. Baby, you come from a heritage of awesome people.  Your birth grandparents on both sides are smart, funny, and loving.

My favorite part of the weekend by far was getting to know Katie.  I love her.  I really really love her.  She and I went out to lunch after the ultrasound, and at first it was a little quiet, but then we got talking, and we couldn’t stop.  (One of the restaurant workers eventually asked us if he should set up a tent. J  I think we talked for about two hours!)  She told me about some of the struggles she’s faced in the past couple of years, and my heart ached for what she has experienced.  Her teen years have not been easy for her, and yet she has a positive, mature attitude.  She talked about the lessons she has learned, the ways she has grown, and the gratitude she has for her parents.  I wanted to tell her how much I admire her; I wanted to tell her how much God loves her and is proud of the changes she’s made…but again, the moment passed.  I think she already knows those things, but I’d still love the opportunity to tell her.  Sometimes words feel so inadequate.

I think Katie and I are kindred spirits.  Though our life experiences are very different, I think our hearts are similar.  I love reading her emails and her perspectives on life.  This weekend, she let me and your dad read a letter that she wrote to you, and it was my favorite thing to read yet.  We were sitting in her living room—everyone around us was talking—and yet their conversation became muted as I read her sweet words to you.  I felt something run through me—love? the Spirit? humility? awe?—and I looked at her across the room, and she never looked more beautiful.  She is so selfless.

In her letter, she said that she loves you, and that is something she never wants you to forget.  She loves you and she wants you, but it just isn’t right for her to keep you.  She mentioned that I am lucky because I will be your mom, and therefore you will love me.  She said that she hopes you will love her too and not hate her for giving you up.  Baby, if there is anyone deserving of your love, it’s Katie.  She is going through the difficulty of pregnancy to give you life.  And then, after all of the morning sickness, weight gain, uncomfortable nights, and judgmental stares from others, she is going to place you in our arms so that we can give you the life that she thinks you deserve. 

I really have no doubt that you will love her.  We will teach you about adoption as soon as you start walking and talking.  Katie and I are going to write a story book for you about our lives and how they intersected and how you came into the world already loved by four families: Drew’s, Katie’s, your dad’s, and mine.  I hope you will never doubt how very loved you are, and I hope you will always feel nothing but respect for your birth parents. 

Baby Boy, I am so happy.  I can’t believe how this experience has come together so perfectly.  God works in mysterious ways.  A year ago, I had just suffered an ectopic pregnancy after years of wanting a baby and months of fertility treatments.  Six months ago, we were in the middle of our first adoption heartbreak with a birth family stringing us along and then changing its mind.  During those dark days, there were moments when I wondered if I would ever be excited about a baby again.  Would my heart become numb and guarded?  Would I eventually lose faith that I would ever be a mother?

This year, I’ve read and re-read scripture verses about “waiting on the Lord.”  There are 47 verses that mention a variation of that phrase, and tonight, one seems especially fitting: “And therefore will the Lord wait, that he may be gracious unto you.”  (Isaiah 30:18)

God knew best.  He waited to bless us until the situation was perfect and right.  He knew that you were on your way.

The wait was worth it.

I love you, Little Man.

Mom

Pedicures!

Drew and Katie with Mom and Dad