What a Mess

This is what happens when you try to feed yourself:

Oh heavens.

Noahsaurus

Love Letter

Sweetest Noah Boy,

You smiled up at me today from your car seat, perched in the back of a shopping cart at Target, and I couldn’t breathe for a moment.  I couldn’t breathe and I couldn’t move. This happens to me sometimes, when your eyes fill with that utter adoration and contentment, that expression of complete devotion and total trust—like I am the most perfect being on the planet, like there is nowhere you would rather be than shopping at Target with your Mama.

Something in my soul stirs when you look at me like that. I can’t breathe because I know that I am so undeserving of such pure and guileless love.  I can’t move because I already feel the moment flying away, and I long to grab it—to clutch it tightly in my fist and press it deeply into my pounding heart.  I look at your innocent little face, beaming up at me with two tiny teeth poking through the gums, and I know that I will do anything—anything—to protect you and your heartbreaking sweetness.

I never knew love like this until I became your mother.

I love your pensive expressions, your chubby hands reaching for my finger, and your frantic splashing in the bathtub.  I love your wild blonde hair, your delicious thighs, and your fascination with the blow dryer as it hums in my hands.  I love the way you hide your face in the couch cushions when we are playing and the way you pant with such exertion when you are reaching for a favorite toy or trying out a new skill.

I love seeing you with your dad and knowing, in that most tender and sacred place in my heart, that despite all my shortcomings, you are both mine--and you both love me so completely.

I love your dinosaur noises during church and your spontaneous chuckle of approval when you are lounging in your car seat “throne.”  I love your little feet, kicking constantly while you are in your high chair or in your stroller taking an evening walk with Mom and Dad. I love resting my head on your soft hair as you drink your bottle in my arms, feeling your weight and your warmth against my chest, knowing that you are real.

I love that my heart now lives outside of my body, and that I get to watch it growing and grinning and learning.  It feels miraculous and vulnerable, exhilarating yet imprudent--to let my heart learn to walk, inching its way along the furniture, falling occasionally and sprawling across the carpet, bewildered. 

Soon, you will be running. The baby with the adoring blue eyes will run, and I will let you—my heart growing bigger and stronger with each of your strides.

It was there inside of me all along—instinctive and unconditional—and yet I didn’t know it until I held you for the first time.  Staring into those deep blue eyes, those eyes that were just seeing the world for the first time, I couldn’t breathe and I couldn’t move.  I felt the stirring of something emerging, something swelling and coming alive within my heart—

A mother’s love.

Mama

Happy First Easter!

On our way to church...

We snapped a few photos before we headed in, just in case you were covered in spit up by the end of the meeting.

At the end of church, you were still happy and clean, so we got some photos in front of this breathtaking pink tree.  We love spring!

Thanks for being our Snuggly Bunny!  Happy First Easter!

March Madness

March was a huge month for you, Noah.  You flew through so many milestones that it was a bit mind-boggling for me.  I honestly can't believe how quickly you changed and grew this past month.

In March, you...
*learned to crawl
*learned to get into a sitting position on your own
*got your first two teeth
*became much more vocal and started saying things like "DaDaDaDa!"  (I think we know what your first word will be!)
*learned to pull yourself up into a standing position
*learned to crawl up stairs

I know--amazing, right??  Every time I saw you do something new, I was like, "What the heck???  How did that happen?"

You are fearless, and I think that's why you've developed so quickly.  As soon as you gain a new skill, you practice it over and over and don't seem the slightest bit phased if you fall down or get a bonk on the head in the process.  Now that you've learned to stand, you often pull yourself up on furniture, let yourself fall back down on the ground (sometimes with a loud thud), and then pull yourself up again.  You rarely cry as you are practicing your new skills.

You haven't been sleeping as well at night over the past month, and I wonder if it's because you are even practicing your new talents in the middle of the night. :)

It has been so rewarding to watch you growing and developing so quickly.  As adults, we don't really change very often or very easily--sometimes it's difficult to believe that we even can change.  But when I witness your determination to learn something new, I realize that human beings were made to progress, grow, and change.  You are always teaching me.

Some favorite photos from March:

-We had beautiful weather and loved hanging out at the park.

-Birthday wishes for some important people in your life!

-Hanging out with Mom while she blow dries her hair (you still love the sound of the blow dryer).

-Exploring the apartment!

-Helping Mom with laundry (amazingly, you will actually sit still for quite a while if you are trapped in a laundry basket).

Look at those teeth!

-I couldn't believe it when I first saw you pull yourself up to standing!  You are a little "hot shot" now.

After I walked into your room and found you like this, we immediately changed the setting on your crib so the mattress is now much lower.  Just a matter of time before you start climbing out! :)

-Now that you're more mobile, you are starting to tear the apartment apart. :)  Here you are after you pulled down the rod of the blinds.

I love you, Noah!  Thank you for teaching me so much and bringing me so much joy!  I can't wait to see what the next month holds for you!

Well Good Morning, Bed Head!

It's nice to see you too!!

Those Eyes

The other day we were in Walgreens, when an old lady walked by your stroller and said, "OH. MY. GOSH."  Then she just stood there staring at you.  I was a little taken aback by this reaction to my child and slightly concerned.  Were you bleeding?  Were you covered in poop?  Had you spewed sweet-potato-colored spit up all over yourself? (Wouldn't be the first time.)

I glanced at you, and everything appeared to be just fine, so I questioningly looked back at her.

"He has the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen," she said in an awestruck voice.

Then today, we were out for a jog.  Our apartment is right by a high school, so there are always teenagers hanging around.  As we were waiting at a cross walk, a couple of teeny bopper girls came up behind me, and suddenly one of them said to me, "Um, not to be weird or anything..."

She paused, and I started imagining the worst for how she was going to finish that sentence.  Was my underwear hanging out?  Did I have a grass stain in an unfortunate place?  Was I dragging toilet paper on my shoe?

I looked at her, and she continued, "...but your baby has the bluest eyes I've ever seen."

Thank you, Katie!!